Christmas—a time to sleep in, overindulge, and…text your ex?
There's something about cozy nights in and festive songs that just makes us feel the urge to reach out to you know who. After a few glasses of mulled wine, we just get the itch to start typing that doomed message: “Heyyy, what's uppppp?”
Why is it so tempting to revisit the ghost of Christmas past? And why is it (usually) such a dangerous idea? We spoke to Hope Flynn, founder of FeedMeFemale and head of content at iPlaySafe to find out.
Why do we feel drawn to text an ex at Christmas?
Christmas is a time of year when we all lean into our nostalgic sides. Whether that means reminiscing about your childhood Christmases or you find yourself reflecting on the more recent past is another matter.
“The nostalgia and sentimental feelings associated with Christmas make us start thinking about our past relationships and the feelings of ‘togetherness’ as well as the memories that we once shared,” Flynn says. “Towards the end of the year most of us start reflecting on the past and maybe areas where we still seek closure. So, if you didn’t end things in the best way with your ex, then perhaps Christmas is the season for goodwill and potentially a good time to gain the closure you need.”
The other factor is…booze. Yep—when we have a few too many glasses of red, we become even more sentimental—and a little less aware of who we should and shouldn't be texting.
“Alcohol can make us lose our inhibitions and give us the perceived self confidence required to send an ex a text,” she says. “If you can, my advice is to try and wait until the next morning to send that text. If you feel the urge, try writing this in your drafts or as a message to yourself and then revisit it the next morning. You may have a completely change of heart the next day.”
In Glamour’s sex column, Ask Dr. Nan, a sex therapist turned neuroscientist answers all of your burning sex and relationship questions.
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What are the downsides of texting an ex at Christmas?
Drunk texting (and its close cousin, Christmas texting) are often mistakes.
For one thing, if you are the person who ended things, reaching out might not be fair on the other person. “You may be creating a sense of false hope for your ex if they still have feelings for you and even creating false hope for yourself if you have wishes to rekindle things romantically,” she says. “Always think about what the real purpose of getting in touch is—as sometimes 'connection’ can get confused with expectation.”
A Christmas ex text might also leave you feeling worse about the relationship than you did before.
“Your text might open up a can of worms and bring up old emotions," says Flynn. “Or, if you or your ex are in the process of moving on or healing from the break up, sending this text might complicate the healing process and reopen old wounds.”
Worst of all, they might leave you on read. And no one wants that awful feeling looming over their head all Christmas.
Want to text your ex? Here's a checklist to go through first
Before you reach out and send a text to an ex, you may want to ask yourself these five questions first:
- Do you have a genuine desire to rekindle this relationship or is it just nostalgia bringing back memories of the good times?
- Is reaching out to an ex a healthy choice for you or will it open up old wounds that will affect your current emotional well-being?
- Are you feeling lonely? If you are feeling lonely, try surrounding yourself with family and friends first and then revisit the idea of reaching out to see if you feel the same afterwards.
- What are you reaching out for? Do you want a friendship, closure or do you want to pick things up romantically? Understanding what is motivating your decision will guide your actions.
- Has your ex moved on? You need to consider that your ex may not share the same sentiments as you or they may have entered a new relationship. You need to be mindful and respectful of boundaries and bear in mind any potential consequences of you reaching out.
As Flynn summed it up, “Reaching out to an ex is a very personal decision that only you can make, so please ensure you take the time to reflect before making your decision.”
This article was originally published by Glamour UK.
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